Live from Jasper Avenue...

I am here in Edmonton, slept in til almost 10, wandered down to the Mall to pick up my Pantyhose and liquid makeup. We spent a few hours at the West Edmonton Mall yesterday. It's fun to shop with Men who shop! What a mall, a skating rink , water park, casino, amusement park, its just nuts! But could I find a Shoppers Drug Mart?...nope! nada! I tried octopus, cold chewy green tasting. I think I am just going to keep still today, lay in this king size bed, catch up on the Y&R, listen to Feist, paint my toes, and miss my family.
Whatever will I do when this comedy thing takes me away for months?
I'll take them with me!!
Tomorrow is my last night with the Tour...I knew it would come and go quickly.
I am excited to perform tonight, I have some friends coming, and although I have family here in this city somewhere, I just don't feel like doing that long lost contacting thing. I've estranged myself from most of my "family" this past year, feeling most safe in the company of the friends I have chosen, and with my children and husband. And although I miss my sisters, I don't have that gut wrenching fear based stomach twisting mindset. Living in fear is how we were raised. Nothing is what it seems, nothing will turn out right, the eggs will be broken when you get home, the sound of a screech means one of your children was just hit by a car, the phone ringing means someone is dead, the smell of anything means the house is on fire. The knock on the door is the Germans coming to get us, it was crazy growing up in my house. But the crazy is what brings the need for laughter, and that's why I do what I do. I want smiling faces and hugs and applause and acceptance, I want celebration and glasses cheering and girlfriends out on the town. I want to live in a world where you are able to stop and breathe and know you are exactly where you are suppose to be, and today that place is Edmonton!

Once Upon A Time...

As I sit here in the lobby of the lovely Saskatchewan Hotel, I am aware that this is the place where it all began. Both my paternal and maternal Grandfathers lived in this City, trying to find their way. Both ended up in Hamilton. This is my first visit to this province, this city, and the coldness that still lingers in my body since getting off the plane. It reminds me of the hearts of my Grandfathers. I know in the end both did not find their bliss, both died lonely and sad. I thought about that as I stepped out on stage last night. There were over a thousand souls, in the most vibrant red chairs, with twinkling lights and a sound system that commanded every ones attention. I have become more comfortable on stage as each show passes, and I am grateful for this experience, the experience of travelling, seeing parts of my Country that I am not sure I would see without this opportunity. It's especially nice to share this journey with people that get it...It seems that in every city, the people want to explain who they are , and what they are about. Its as though each city has their own personality. Even the venues have their own little personalities...Last night, only one man watched the show from the Theatre, and thats probably because he was running lights. The rest hid in a back room, watching hockey, wanting no part of the Penis. In Kitchener, my first show. The lights went out on the stage 12 mins into my set...was it an accident? I don't think so. In London...the sign outside the venue read "Puppetry" they would not allow the word "Penis"? Toronto was the most open minded, full on Posters, a Forty foot banner with PENIS as large as ...well as large as a Penis should be. The Theatre staff was absolutely wonderful and the crowd, THE BEST!
I am learning so much on this adventure, about censorship, about travelling, about cultures within cultures. In Hamilton a woman said to me just before the show .."Are there lots of flaming fags that come to the show"...I said "I am not sure, but I do know my Son is coming and hes a flaming fag!" Its interesting how people perceive this show, when in fact there is absolutely NOTHING sexual about the Puppetry of the Penis...The show is a comedy with two absolutely charming , charismatic, witty men.
And so as I leave this city , and move to the next , I am happy to have visited, to have wandered the streets a bit, to feel that COLD COLD air and to have seen such a lovely sunset, all by myself, with the grandfathers of my past somewhere out there perhaps watching me.

It simply is ...The Best Time of My Life!!

I said goodbye to the Boys and Crew at the Winnipeg Airport yesterday, oh how I wanted to be stuffed in their carry ons but alas , I have a week off. I'll meet up again with them in Regina. I guess you could say the energy of excitement still continues to run through me, such a blissful place to be. I flew home with the Gold Medal Winner of Curling, he was glowing, and so was I!!.
Maybe it was just the day , or the weather, but I must say, I have NEVER seen a bluer, brighter sky in my life while in Winnipeg, and the audience was lovely!
I was especially happy to spend some time with a couple of magical girls, well on their comedy way. As it was the last night of this part of the tour, we closed a little Irish pub. I had my first Rock Star experience when Room service (secretly) brought up bottles of wine to our Room long after the CLOSED sign went up. Martin has the voice of Prince Charles and his impecable charm got us the goods!
What I find most wonderful about these Men is that the charm you see upon the stage is exactly who they are. They are so in the moment, life is constantly a celebration for them, I could sit and listen to their stories forever! I feel so so very honoured to be part of this tour, and its so nice to be in a place where I stop and breathe it in, look up to the sky and thank the heavens for such an experience. Its nice to be home and I am a bit weak, a break will be good, to collect my thoughts, paint my toes and get that energy level back up!

My Birthday (Day off of Tour)

Birthdays are never easy for me, I usually medicate, hibernate and contemplate on why I simply don't like to celebrate.
But, yesterday was different. I decided to go for it, be in the moment of acknowleding my aliveness. I prettied myself up , invited two of the most incredible Women in my life (my cousin and my daughter) out for lunch, and away we went. We drove through the city, windows down, sunroof open with The Dixie Chicks singing along. "Forgive? sounds good...Forget? I am not sure I could...They say, time heals everything, but I am still waiting" Oh and I am not so good at forgiving either. I tend to stuff hurt and hate away, I must learn to release!
We hung out in China town, shoppped in Kensington Market, where I bought myself the perfect Birthday outfit. I stopped by Java House for my favorite Rasberry Chocolate Cake , which I am just finishing now for breakfast. I am off soon to London, I have 2 shows tonight, and I am exceptionally excited as I have a grade school friend coming, and my nieces! Tomorrow...its Toronto! WOW!
I am totally loving this experience. I am out of mind thrilled!

DAY 2 MY HOME TOWN

Everything about this performance was Magic, the way I was treated upon my arrival, the, crowd! the OH MY GOD !!! crowd. I actually cried when I walked off, and my husband too. From my Cousin waving to me from the Balcony, to my dear friend squeezing me so tightly afterwards, from my Son whispering I love you in my ear.
After the show, we celebrated with drinks and dinks, yup, the Boys from the show Martin and Dan , and the Road Manager Stu, and the very very REAL Heather the EVERYTHING go to girl! Fantastic people, loving their work, I mean what 22 year old very handsome man would not enjoy travelling around the world , playing with his dick in front of 2000 screaming Women (and men) ...I think its pretty much a dream job. Very nice guys, great stories, and quite the fancy cocks!
Its my birthday today, and I going to take the queen st street car to the west end, have some lunch with my daughter and cousin, and then take the queen st car back to the beach. (It's an actual touristic thing to do here in Toronto)
Tonight I am going back to the Hammer, to see the Double Rink Hockey Boys, I can't think of a better way to celebrate.
I am happy!

DAY 1 OF THE TOUR

I can only describe the experience of last night in one word "GOD"
I felt transcended into a world of acceptance, my body moved with the jokes, my eyes sparkled with the lights and my soul mingled in the rafters with the sound of my voice speaking my truth!
I know my journey includes finding my place of giving back. I can not take in all of this energy and not move it forward into a world of brokenness. The problem is, I want everything to heal! The hungry babies, the man standing on the bridge, the crazy crack girl in my neighbourhood, the pregnant teen that once was me ,the thirty year old Woman stuck in the mindset that she is undeserving.
I am hoping the Universe will present itself to me, to find that place of indulging in giving back.
For...
I know in this very moment that I have (been for giving)...

Shelley

My First Official Canadian Tour!

It's the eve before I start my first Official Canadian Tour! I am opening for "Puppetry of the Penis" The Res Erection Canadian Tour
Even to write the words feel surreal. You work at this, you long for this, you hang on, you beg, you borrow, you BECOME.
Yesterday I performed for a group of "ladies", an afternoon tea at a Mansion in Niagara on the Lake. It was for Big Sisters,
the "Go Girls Program"...a fundraiser so that we may mentor these fragile, beautiful, souls into carefree Women of the future.
I received a "swag" bag on my way out, and in amongst the 'swag" a brochure for Botox! Maybe I'll pass it on to my
"little sister"!? But then I think...hmmm, would I shove my ass fat in my face if it took a few years off?
Yeah probably...but not yet, for now I hang on tight to my Optimum card and buy every product that smells like youth.
My dream house will have a Shoppers in the front foyer...rag mags lined up , and my own private price checker!
I remember being 16 and watching women in their 40's, the heels, the attitudes, the freedom. And although I was a socially
statically challenged , pregnant teen, high school drop out, socially serviced, medicated and mad . I've finally come into
myself. I have arrived at the place where I longed to be. I loved performing for the ladies yesterday. They were
wonderful, and although I can cross the line, and perhaps offend, it is only my intention to make people think and LAUGH. Besides,
they tossed a somewhat unacceptable brochure in my bag! does that make it even?!
So as I begin to pack my bag with my new Spanx, to suck everything in, fantastic shoes! , a dress that confirms I am still
very much stuck in the 80s and earrings that glitter in the dark!
I am so very excited and scared and inspired and ....EVERYTHING all at once.
To stand on a stage in front over over a thousand people, in the city I was born on the eve of my birthday , five years to the very day I ever did stand-up
seems ....BRILLIANT!
here we go....