Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Struggling Actress

I am certain God is a Woman! Only another woman would do what was done to me today. It started last night... I did a spot at Slainte Irish Pub in Hamilton...great room by the way! After the show I go to my car and it's covered in winter bliss. As I am shoveling off the snow I am chanting in my head..." I will not be here next year, I will not be here next year" I start to drive home and the snow is so thick on the road I am fish tailing it all the way from Wellington to Centenial. By now I am bargaining with God to just get me home, while the other personality is wishing death upon the 4 wheel driving SUV ing FREAK! behind me. It takes me 2 hours to get home...not counting the hour and half it took me to get there, and the 7 mins I did on stage. And they wonder why comedians are crazy!.
By the time I get home I am so wound up it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep and I have to be up at 7 am because I have an audition back in Toronto in the Morning.
I bondo up my face, put on my prettiest suck everything in pantyhose, and off I go.
I get to the audition...its for "Tony and Tina's Wedding" at Second City. Not the best gig, but one I am told will look good on my resume. Then...this perky little , "girl"...looks me over...and hands me a script..and says..."you can read for the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE!!"
How freeeeeeeking old do I look???...I have 2 mins to read my lines, which include a bit where I sing...I DON"T SING!!...I can't even friggin hum!...I read off my lines, in all of 2 mins, and they say..thank a monotone, syncronized "you don't get the part" voice. And I am not even certain its because I am too young looking. I swear if they call me back and tell me I got the part...I'll do some best Marilyn Munroe...followed by the overdose!
Oh well 12 hours of driving for 9 mins on stage. Its the life of a struggling actress!

I hate my life!