Friday, December 28, 2007

New Years Revelation

I have a copy of my New Years "resolution" from when I was 10 years old.

1. I will non fight with my sister

2. I will obey my parents...

Funny! I don't talk to any of my sisters...I have one full blood sister and two different sisters by two different fathers, but there were only 2 Weddings, one divorce, but several engagements.

And well parents are dead so , I suppose I have kept those "resolutions" or life was very creative in keeping them for me.

It sucks not having that sense of "family" outside of the one you create yourself. But!emotionally, its the most freeing to have healthy relationships where you are who you are, you don't (on the drive over) remind your kids not talk about this or that. I am sure I would still have my children stuffed in a closet if it were not for dismissing myself from the table of homophobic appetizers, followed by a bowl of racism, with a generous helping of self doubt, guilt and shame.

I had always tried escaping, I did all the usual things a girl does in those circumstances...she drops out, gets knocked up and gives up.

And then one day...just out of the blue, I crawled out from beneath the sheets, washed my hair, and walked on a stage.

I won't make any "Renovations" I am good here in this place of quiet contemplation, this place of moving forward ....I AM!!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Random Blogs I never Posted

I thought I would post just some Random Blogs that I've been posting on Facebook.

I am blogging more! was 2007's new years resolution!! I just have to say I had the BEST time ever!! filming a comedy drama short for the Toronto 24 Hour Film Challengehttp://torontofilmchallenge.comI am truly flattered that I was chosen to take part. I truly worked with some pretty amazing guys!! The film is going to be shown this Friday November 30th 7:00 pm at the Bloor Cinema 506 Bloor S.Come out and cheer us on for the Audience Choice Award!! The only hint I can give you is FULL SCREEN BOOB SHOT!!I am feeling quite happy these days! much happening , so many wonderful people coming into my life, loving where I live and especially who I live with!My kids are happy, the car starts and the Sadness I tend to feel this time of year hasn't crept in ...

November 18th check out the article in "fab" the Fabulous Master....mind behind bitch salad!

November 14thHey! check out the article in Todays Spectator!! check out the new clip Just For Laughs Posted!

November 9th 2007 check out the article in today's "Niagara This Week" for Laughs Just posted a few videos of me called "phone beep" and "ugly son" check it out!!

November 7th 2007Hey Check out the latest article!!Page 10!!!

Up Coming Shows!November 9th Headlining The House of Comedy Niagara Falls 9pm http://www.thehouseofcomedy.comNovember 10th Headlining The House of Comedy Niagara Falls 9pm
November 12th The Rivoli Queen St Toronto 9pm
November 15th "Phoney" The Staircase Theatre Hamilton 8pm http://www.staircase.orgNovember 16th "Phoney" The Staircase Theatre Hamilton 8pm http://www.staircase.orgNovember 17th "Phoney" The Staircase Theatre Hamilton 8pm http://www.staircase.orgTHIS SHOW IS SOLD OUT!!November 28th Betty's King St TorontoCorktown Comedy 8:30pm Free!
December 5th Comedy Cares FundraiserHeadliningSlaintes Hamilton 9pm
December 8th Private Corporate Function
December 13th Best Western Brantford 9:00pm Headlining
December 21 Private Corporate Funtion

October 16th!Although I've had a nasty nasty cold I've had the BEST few days EVER!!I have some great shows coming up , and by great I mean, I am going to be working with some of the BEST comedians , and best Venues around! I feel lucky!One thing I would like to say FORE SURE!! if you are remotely thinking of putting together a one person show..maybe for fringe, maybe for just you...get in touch with Tracey Erin Smith. I took her workshop (playshop) this past weekend, and I met the most fascinating people, and found a great new Character.Anyways... visit get in touch with her, and GO TO THIS WORKSHOP!ok so here is a bit of news...I auditioned last week for Second City's Conservatory Program, yup me and 6 other kids, there I am this 40 something mom, with these wonderful KIDS!! anyways...they called yesterday and I am in! that makes me happy, improv is wonderful, and such a great way to stay connected in the comedy world.I've got a shit load of really GREAT shows coming up which I'll post as events...soon...but I am so excited to be back at the Rivoli in November, Bitch Salad has invited me to do a spot...FANTASTIC SHOW at Buddies in Bad Times! My play of course in Hamilton, and I am doing the House of Comedy in Niagara Falls, so lots and lots of stage time to try out some of my new stuff.Oh and I booked a flight to the UK for May...can't wait to perform my Bawdy Comedy over the Pond.That's it for now...but take that course!!even if you would never get on stage and perform, its therapeutic! September 18th!Its booked!"Phoney" IS coming to Hamilton!! Yipppeeeand I am thrilled to be presenting it at the "Staircase Theatre"! its a great little venue that holds about 70 has booze and nice seats and its in the HAMMER!November 15/16/17 8pm with a very special singing guest!I'll be sending out invites, but thought I would share the grand news here!Well I am off to wax, pluck, and weedwack a few areas for my Big College Gig tonight!I love you all ! and if my kids are reading this...I take back the "if abortion was fashionable in the 80's" comment...apparently it was inappropriate or so my therapist says

September16thI've got some great shows coming up that I thought I should post up here.Tuesday Sept 18th 9pm I'll be headlining a show at Georgian College with two fabulous...fabulous! Women Martha O'neill and Michelle Shaughnessy Saturday Sept 22nd I am one of the lucky "special guests" to perform with "From the Mouths of Babes" at the Savannah Room 9pm TorontoFriday Sept 28th and Saturday Sept 29th its back to "The House of Comedy" I'll be performing with the Boys on Friday night(I bought a NEW dress for this show!)and Headlining Saturday night!October 4th I'll be the Mistress of Ceremonies for a Fantastic Fundraiser which I've just learned is SOLD OUT!!
October 15th I'll be the Key Note Speaker for the St Catherines "Women in Business" Awards!November 1st...I am so thrilled!! I'll be performing my play "Phoney" for another fundraiser and for those that I keep saying "i am bringing my play to Hamilton"...I AM!! ...sometime in November, as soon as the venue is booked I promise to let you know...anyways..thats it for now...I am off to the championship lesbian baseball tournament my daughters girlfriend is in!!GO DYKES GO!!September 10thToronto So Far...Its been almost two weeks since I went "home", back to the "country" where I could close my bedroom door, shut all the curtains, and hear nothing!Instead...I pack onto a Queen St street car, transfer onto the subway, and arrive!Oh look...there goes George Clooney as the pretty asian boy fixes my latte, I run my fingers along the cool glass of Prada's south side store front and I gaze...I am high on this place...I met up with a travelling or "touring" comic as some like to call themselves. We drank Stella and did our time ...Doing stand up is like getting high...but its always a different high...its like the audience passes you the drug...some nights its like a Tylenol caplet that lets go in your throat and it burns...And some nights...its like lorazipan ( I can't spell drug names and I am ok with that)I played a college gig on Friday...and on my way...there from the overpass ahead...a jumper! and as I drove by in my fast car, my short skirt, and loud music...I was bolted into that instant feeling of "what the fuck?" I was an asshole on stage, death freaks me out. Suicide is different..its not death, its freedom for some.After the gig I came home ...walked to an Indian restaurant with the man of my dreams, drank too much beer, ate too much spice, and paid too much for the cab ride home.I love my life!Shelley Makes the Next Move!Well its off to Toronto...the next step in the evolution of a Comic!...Actress?...Mid Life Crisis?I don't know!!But I am off, off to a city that will give me the opportunity to perform any night of the week! endless amounts of Classes...I am already registered for an Attention Deficit Disorder Yoga Class for Aries over 40! God I love a City that has EVERYTHING...Wed night 11pm...Charlie Chaplin Films 2 bucks...Pho Soup 4am 5bucks...007 Martinis at Holt's Cafe 20bucks...Celebrity sightings in my neighbourhood coffee shop...I saw the Girl from the IKEA commercial..."stop the car!!"Its amazing!! wireless Internet on my front porch! a jazz club, clown school, and soccer DADS!! all just a bike ride away!I will miss the cows in the field behind me and corn in the field in front of me, I will miss the mail lady driving by, the school bus and the barking dog in the back of that pick up truck. I'll miss the newspaper thrown in my driveway, and the 1 kid that showed up on Halloween. I'll miss this darling little road...but I am READY!!and here I come!!

Thursday, December 06, 2007


December 6th 2007
ho ho holy shit whata Month November was. The "movie challenge" was the biggest best experience
here is the final cut of "3 Months Deep" the challenge was to write , film and edit a movie in just 24 Hours.
We were given the Comedy Drama genre, an ink blot as a prop, and the line "what makes you an expert?"
with a theme of "first times" and this is what our team came up with.
Although our film did not take home any of the Big Prizes , it was an amazing gift (oh fuck I have been watching
Oprah way too much) It sucked not winning! I wanted to push the winners as I walked by them, they were all
smiling and hugging and ...I just wanted to smash their faces in!!
On a good note...I landed an Agent...AND!! she's got me my first audition
tomorrow 11:15 am (how will I ever be out of bed that early??)
Best part is...its a toilet paper commercial!!!
I smell Oscar!!
Second best part?...I have a coldsore on my bottom lip the size of
Brittany Spears' clit!!
Sorry...after a gig last night I had drinks with the casts of "Queer as Folk" and "The L Word"
I am so fascinated by the "GAYS"...they have their own language..most unspoken, in a metephorical irony
that translates into FUCK EVERYONE!
oh joy!
hmmm What else is going on?...Oh I am performing at the Corktown Comedy Christmas Show @ Betty's on
King St!...he has some really fantastic performers on the show so I feel ...oh who am I kidding?..I haven't had a feeling
in months...its what happens when you hit your 40's...unnecessary feelings leave you, like guilt and guilt.
And the only punishment is that we might pee a bit while running for the bus.
Ok back to the show...its Wednesday December 19th 8:30ish...FREE!!
come out and celebrate!