A Full Bawdy Celebration!!

FULL MONTY? FULL BAWDY!

By Ric Taylor


Starting a new career at the age of 37 could have been daunting
— particularly when that career is exposing yourself to the world.
But five years ago, Hamiltonian Shelley Marshall decided to do
just that and bare all — metaphorically — and she hasn’t looked
back. She took to the stage to make people laugh with her
thoughts on life, love and sometimes lurid acts and, from her first
time in the spotlight, Marshall was addicted.
Beyond the sexually ramped–up housewife, Marshall has
channeled characters both young and old, male and female into a
comedic stew that challenges the conventional. She gives birth to
a bawdy comedy that can be simultaneously blunt and witty. No
topic is too precious or sacred but it’s her willingness to be so
frank that makes Marshall sexy, smart, sassy and above all else an
engaging entertainer. To some she’s a role model, to others a sex
symbol — maybe a feminist, a realist and an idealist, too — but
for the class clown that still thinks dick jokes can be humorous,
Shelley Marshall is just one funny lady.
“I had done the soccer mom, school trip, packing lunches,
flagging down school buses thing and I just wanted something for
me,” recalls Marshall on the impetus to take on bringing her
humour to the stage. “I was terrified the first time I walked on
stage, the light was so bright and all I could say was ‘It's like a
pap smear up here’ and I got the laugh. There it was, like a shot
of pleasure that you just want again and again and again.
“I have no filter,” reasons Marshall on her comedic approach.
“I say what I see, feel, think, and when your intentions are good,
then, while I may be asking an uncomfortable question or
bringing up a touchy subject, I am just asking questions, I am
curious.
“Over the years, my comedy has evolved into more of a story
telling,” she adds. “And life changes, you move, your children
move out, hair starts growing where it shouldn't, and it all brings
new material. It’s a much nicer world to live in when we can laugh
at it.”
Whether it be finding new body hair growth or new
perspectives on fellatio, Marshall shines a light on the world’s
hidden underbelly via her own, perhaps more private moments.
It’s a comedy that seeks to find universal truths in sometimes
taboo topics and while her femininity is at the forefront, Marshall
appeals to both sexes.
“I've let my husband play winter and summer hockey at the
Hamilton Double Rinks for 22 years so he can't say a thing, but
honestly, he loves the shows,” notes Marshall. “Men like the bit
[where] I expose the secrets they thought their wives would never
tell. I have just as many men hug me after a show as I have had
women. I want them all leaving feeling connected — men and
women, go home enjoy each other, make love, laugh, celebrate
your ways. We aren't so different after all. For women this show
will shock them into reality, and for the men, into discovery.”
With the nature of her comedy, an audience can’t help but
feel a little bit closer to Marshall and hugs from new fans and
friends often prevail after performances. As crass as some might
see her, Marshall can also be so cute and cuddly fans find
themselves drawn to her and with her curves and verbal curve
balls some audience members have found her even more
attractive.
“I did have a little person ask me after a show, ‘Hey, have you
ever fucked a dwarf?’ to which I replied ‘I can't believe you used
the word dwarf’,” she quips, attacking political correctness on all
fronts. “I never want to offend anyone. I tend to try and read my
crowd. I could play to a school yard of four year olds or a Red Hat
Society. I've played colleges, gay bars, high brow fundraisers, high
society luncheons, high school cafeterias. You tell me who my
crowd is, and I'll make them laugh.”
Marshall can charm almost any audience but received
particular validation when she recently opened up for Canadian
Puppetry of the Penis tour. While the physical manipulation of
male genitalia for comedic purposes might seem like a different
crowd setting, Marshall fit right in. The stopover in her home
town saw Marshall realize a dream, performing the main stage at
Hamilton Place and receiving a standing ovation for her comedy.
“Hasn't every man folded their penis into a sea monster?”
smiles Marshall on her inclusion on the Puppetry tour. “It was an
amazing adventure to travel across Canada and to walk out to an
audience made for me — screaming middle aged women and a
sprinkle of adorable gay men. I had seen many concerts at
Hamilton Place and I dreamed of what it would be like to stand on
that stage, and so on my birthday — five years to the day I ever
did stand up — it happened. It was euphoria.”
With every show, she achieves more goals and with her all
femme comic review, Marshall hopes to lead a collection of like
minded entertainers to yet another level. Marshall’s Full Bawdy
Comedy Show celebrates and embraces everything Marshall loves.
It’s candid and cocky; perhaps risqué but very real and of course
it’s bold and bawdy — but that’s what makes Shelley Marshall
stand out with her stand up. “They are women I admire and have
seen grow over the years,” offers Marshall on the comics joining
her this weekend. “I am so honored that they trust me to put this
show on and can’t wait to see each of them shine. For me, I think
it will be a little bit like giving birth to my first child —
unexpected, full of excitement and my ‘bawdy’ may never be he
same.”


Shelley Marshall’s
Full Bawdy Comedy Show
w/Sandra Battaglini, Precious Chong,
Evelyn Reese, Ginger St. James,
Kristen McGregor, Rachelle Elie, Erica
Scott, Andrea Murray + Christel Bartelse.
Friday, September 26th : 10PM
@ Hamilton Place Studio Theatre
Ticketmaster.com
FullBawdyComedy.com

Full Bawdy Blues

Its been a few weeks of this hum drum kinda feeling. It happens when I let the creative part of me sit still.
I am not one to reach out or show you my smile upside down. I keep to myself, and hide away with curtains closed and answering machine msgs. I drink the milk from the carton and feel that ache in the arch of my back from sitting still too long.
My wardrobe turns to yoga pants and hair bands
It's been a tough month for me. I am hibernating, and concentrating and frustrating over the slightest of things.
But, I know for certain , something big is coming. I always seem to take shelter for a while, a shelter where ONLY the ones that I trust so very completely, with my very being, do I let in.
It's the evolution of sorts. It affects all parts of me and shifts begin. Sometimes I move, cities away. Sometimes I move, my body, hard and fast and sometimes, I stand completely still and something outside of myself moves me. A birth, a death, a understanding of why it is I do what I do.
Sometimes it comes easy , like the birth of baby pigs, many things, all at once, all over, slipping by.
Other times, its heavy, and hard, and I bleed with fear, anxiety and outright rage at God.
Tonight as I type this, I feel the presence of my saving grace, and I shall sleep on what will come or what will leave

shelley marshall

Mother Of The Pride

Well, the Rainbow flag has been tucked away with my skinny summer clothes that I never fit into again this year.
Yup, it's that time of the year when you jump off the "I'll get into that outfit before the end of summer" and you never do.
Oh sure I can fit my ass in them, I just can't do up the fly, or maybe I can get the fly halfway up and the top button , but there is that bit of "Look what you did to my body!" as I point to my children.
Ah yes! The Children!
Sometimes I'll wander the streets and look in the eyes of strangers and say out loud. "I have two gay kids", then I usually say "well I ONLY have two kids, and they are BOTH gay" I think its kinda like having twins! after all during their teen ages they dressed alike. My girl was a "tom boy" That's what we called lesbians back in my day.
My Son? let's just say he let me dress him up as Robin Hood for a grade 8 Halloween Party. (I dressed up as Mary Katherine Gallagher that year)
I never knew my children were gay, but I was suspicious of my daughter. Those tasmanian devil track suits and catching her watching showgirls.
My son?...I really had no idea...I just thought he was an asshole.
Always shrugging his shoulders, never making eye contact, treating me like I was so not cool. I was the coolest Mom EVER!
I would dress up as a clown for his birthday parties. Take him to Harry Potter book Releases at Midnight.
I would make him Pancakes , the letter of his name and pretend I was Flo from Mel's Diner.
This Kid was lucky to have me! and I reminded him of that everyday!
Anyways...I love my kids, I am hopeful and happy and delighted to watch their lives evolve in front of me.
So the next time I tell you I have two Gay kids?...Please don't look at me as if I have a retarded spinabifita baby in a stroller bobbing it's head at you.
I am happy I beared these fruits!

Live from Jasper Avenue...

I am here in Edmonton, slept in til almost 10, wandered down to the Mall to pick up my Pantyhose and liquid makeup. We spent a few hours at the West Edmonton Mall yesterday. It's fun to shop with Men who shop! What a mall, a skating rink , water park, casino, amusement park, its just nuts! But could I find a Shoppers Drug Mart?...nope! nada! I tried octopus, cold chewy green tasting. I think I am just going to keep still today, lay in this king size bed, catch up on the Y&R, listen to Feist, paint my toes, and miss my family.
Whatever will I do when this comedy thing takes me away for months?
I'll take them with me!!
Tomorrow is my last night with the Tour...I knew it would come and go quickly.
I am excited to perform tonight, I have some friends coming, and although I have family here in this city somewhere, I just don't feel like doing that long lost contacting thing. I've estranged myself from most of my "family" this past year, feeling most safe in the company of the friends I have chosen, and with my children and husband. And although I miss my sisters, I don't have that gut wrenching fear based stomach twisting mindset. Living in fear is how we were raised. Nothing is what it seems, nothing will turn out right, the eggs will be broken when you get home, the sound of a screech means one of your children was just hit by a car, the phone ringing means someone is dead, the smell of anything means the house is on fire. The knock on the door is the Germans coming to get us, it was crazy growing up in my house. But the crazy is what brings the need for laughter, and that's why I do what I do. I want smiling faces and hugs and applause and acceptance, I want celebration and glasses cheering and girlfriends out on the town. I want to live in a world where you are able to stop and breathe and know you are exactly where you are suppose to be, and today that place is Edmonton!

Once Upon A Time...

As I sit here in the lobby of the lovely Saskatchewan Hotel, I am aware that this is the place where it all began. Both my paternal and maternal Grandfathers lived in this City, trying to find their way. Both ended up in Hamilton. This is my first visit to this province, this city, and the coldness that still lingers in my body since getting off the plane. It reminds me of the hearts of my Grandfathers. I know in the end both did not find their bliss, both died lonely and sad. I thought about that as I stepped out on stage last night. There were over a thousand souls, in the most vibrant red chairs, with twinkling lights and a sound system that commanded every ones attention. I have become more comfortable on stage as each show passes, and I am grateful for this experience, the experience of travelling, seeing parts of my Country that I am not sure I would see without this opportunity. It's especially nice to share this journey with people that get it...It seems that in every city, the people want to explain who they are , and what they are about. Its as though each city has their own personality. Even the venues have their own little personalities...Last night, only one man watched the show from the Theatre, and thats probably because he was running lights. The rest hid in a back room, watching hockey, wanting no part of the Penis. In Kitchener, my first show. The lights went out on the stage 12 mins into my set...was it an accident? I don't think so. In London...the sign outside the venue read "Puppetry" they would not allow the word "Penis"? Toronto was the most open minded, full on Posters, a Forty foot banner with PENIS as large as ...well as large as a Penis should be. The Theatre staff was absolutely wonderful and the crowd, THE BEST!
I am learning so much on this adventure, about censorship, about travelling, about cultures within cultures. In Hamilton a woman said to me just before the show .."Are there lots of flaming fags that come to the show"...I said "I am not sure, but I do know my Son is coming and hes a flaming fag!" Its interesting how people perceive this show, when in fact there is absolutely NOTHING sexual about the Puppetry of the Penis...The show is a comedy with two absolutely charming , charismatic, witty men.
And so as I leave this city , and move to the next , I am happy to have visited, to have wandered the streets a bit, to feel that COLD COLD air and to have seen such a lovely sunset, all by myself, with the grandfathers of my past somewhere out there perhaps watching me.

It simply is ...The Best Time of My Life!!

I said goodbye to the Boys and Crew at the Winnipeg Airport yesterday, oh how I wanted to be stuffed in their carry ons but alas , I have a week off. I'll meet up again with them in Regina. I guess you could say the energy of excitement still continues to run through me, such a blissful place to be. I flew home with the Gold Medal Winner of Curling, he was glowing, and so was I!!.
Maybe it was just the day , or the weather, but I must say, I have NEVER seen a bluer, brighter sky in my life while in Winnipeg, and the audience was lovely!
I was especially happy to spend some time with a couple of magical girls, well on their comedy way. As it was the last night of this part of the tour, we closed a little Irish pub. I had my first Rock Star experience when Room service (secretly) brought up bottles of wine to our Room long after the CLOSED sign went up. Martin has the voice of Prince Charles and his impecable charm got us the goods!
What I find most wonderful about these Men is that the charm you see upon the stage is exactly who they are. They are so in the moment, life is constantly a celebration for them, I could sit and listen to their stories forever! I feel so so very honoured to be part of this tour, and its so nice to be in a place where I stop and breathe it in, look up to the sky and thank the heavens for such an experience. Its nice to be home and I am a bit weak, a break will be good, to collect my thoughts, paint my toes and get that energy level back up!

My Birthday (Day off of Tour)

Birthdays are never easy for me, I usually medicate, hibernate and contemplate on why I simply don't like to celebrate.
But, yesterday was different. I decided to go for it, be in the moment of acknowleding my aliveness. I prettied myself up , invited two of the most incredible Women in my life (my cousin and my daughter) out for lunch, and away we went. We drove through the city, windows down, sunroof open with The Dixie Chicks singing along. "Forgive? sounds good...Forget? I am not sure I could...They say, time heals everything, but I am still waiting" Oh and I am not so good at forgiving either. I tend to stuff hurt and hate away, I must learn to release!
We hung out in China town, shoppped in Kensington Market, where I bought myself the perfect Birthday outfit. I stopped by Java House for my favorite Rasberry Chocolate Cake , which I am just finishing now for breakfast. I am off soon to London, I have 2 shows tonight, and I am exceptionally excited as I have a grade school friend coming, and my nieces! Tomorrow...its Toronto! WOW!
I am totally loving this experience. I am out of mind thrilled!

DAY 2 MY HOME TOWN

Everything about this performance was Magic, the way I was treated upon my arrival, the, crowd! the OH MY GOD !!! crowd. I actually cried when I walked off, and my husband too. From my Cousin waving to me from the Balcony, to my dear friend squeezing me so tightly afterwards, from my Son whispering I love you in my ear.
After the show, we celebrated with drinks and dinks, yup, the Boys from the show Martin and Dan , and the Road Manager Stu, and the very very REAL Heather the EVERYTHING go to girl! Fantastic people, loving their work, I mean what 22 year old very handsome man would not enjoy travelling around the world , playing with his dick in front of 2000 screaming Women (and men) ...I think its pretty much a dream job. Very nice guys, great stories, and quite the fancy cocks!
Its my birthday today, and I going to take the queen st street car to the west end, have some lunch with my daughter and cousin, and then take the queen st car back to the beach. (It's an actual touristic thing to do here in Toronto)
Tonight I am going back to the Hammer, to see the Double Rink Hockey Boys, I can't think of a better way to celebrate.
I am happy!

DAY 1 OF THE TOUR

I can only describe the experience of last night in one word "GOD"
I felt transcended into a world of acceptance, my body moved with the jokes, my eyes sparkled with the lights and my soul mingled in the rafters with the sound of my voice speaking my truth!
I know my journey includes finding my place of giving back. I can not take in all of this energy and not move it forward into a world of brokenness. The problem is, I want everything to heal! The hungry babies, the man standing on the bridge, the crazy crack girl in my neighbourhood, the pregnant teen that once was me ,the thirty year old Woman stuck in the mindset that she is undeserving.
I am hoping the Universe will present itself to me, to find that place of indulging in giving back.
For...
I know in this very moment that I have (been for giving)...

Shelley

My First Official Canadian Tour!

It's the eve before I start my first Official Canadian Tour! I am opening for "Puppetry of the Penis" The Res Erection Canadian Tour
Even to write the words feel surreal. You work at this, you long for this, you hang on, you beg, you borrow, you BECOME.
Yesterday I performed for a group of "ladies", an afternoon tea at a Mansion in Niagara on the Lake. It was for Big Sisters,
the "Go Girls Program"...a fundraiser so that we may mentor these fragile, beautiful, souls into carefree Women of the future.
I received a "swag" bag on my way out, and in amongst the 'swag" a brochure for Botox! Maybe I'll pass it on to my
"little sister"!? But then I think...hmmm, would I shove my ass fat in my face if it took a few years off?
Yeah probably...but not yet, for now I hang on tight to my Optimum card and buy every product that smells like youth.
My dream house will have a Shoppers in the front foyer...rag mags lined up , and my own private price checker!
I remember being 16 and watching women in their 40's, the heels, the attitudes, the freedom. And although I was a socially
statically challenged , pregnant teen, high school drop out, socially serviced, medicated and mad . I've finally come into
myself. I have arrived at the place where I longed to be. I loved performing for the ladies yesterday. They were
wonderful, and although I can cross the line, and perhaps offend, it is only my intention to make people think and LAUGH. Besides,
they tossed a somewhat unacceptable brochure in my bag! does that make it even?!
So as I begin to pack my bag with my new Spanx, to suck everything in, fantastic shoes! , a dress that confirms I am still
very much stuck in the 80s and earrings that glitter in the dark!
I am so very excited and scared and inspired and ....EVERYTHING all at once.
To stand on a stage in front over over a thousand people, in the city I was born on the eve of my birthday , five years to the very day I ever did stand-up
seems ....BRILLIANT!
here we go....

S. A. D.

S.A.D.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder

I think I am SAD! crawled outta bed today around 11am...only because the phone rang, and rang. and rang!! I thought it was Monday, I thought it was 6pm.
I browsed through perezhilton.com, looked out the window and crawled back in bed.
I just want the sun, I just want some GOOD news, I just want to fall back into that blissful, bike riding, bountifull feeling.
I know it's not just not me, I got a call from a girlfirend that wanted to put rocks in her pockets and walk out into the river behind her
house, but the ice is frozen 18" thick...gasing herself came up, but her house runs on electric. hanging?..no basement, and she said she could touch the ceiling,
oh well...
Even my children are needing my attention these days. I walked with my daughter yesterday , in the wet snow and talked about ...NOTHING!
I can't even mother my children, it took every part of my strength to tie one boot, I just let the lace of the other one dangle along, hoping I'd trip and
smash my face off the curb, but there aren't any curbs, they are covered in mountains of snow!
I came home and made Jasmine tea...it was $100 a lb...Oprah told me to get it!! I guess its good, it taste like perfume.
But, I keep drinking it, sitting there with my stack of self help books and cough syrup (nite time relief) I take it in the morning to keep me feeling
night time ish.
I don't have a cold.
The book? Oprah told me to get it...she said it would change my life.
"How to heal your life" Louise L Hays..."If you want to heal your life then you are the one who must change it"
huh?
I can't even change the toilet paper roll!
The book is now a coaster for my chocolate pudding cup.
The spoon is in the couch with my socks and the remote.
I guess I could have a shower, but that would require me walking downstairs to the laundry room to get a towel...I just don't have the strength.
I've been watching the same channel , can't find the remote...its gotta be in the couch!
Why does it have to be stuck on the biography channel?
Today we have the life and times of Anna Nicole, Judy Garland and Munroe...oh this should be a real pick- me- upper!
anways...I just want some sun, some melting, some blossoms!
anyone else feeling out of sorts?

Old Bats in Red Hats!

Old Bats!!
It was a Saturday Night in Grimsby Ontario. I arrived "right on time" , I am whisked into a green room ( aka an aqua green bathroom) where I dust my face, reapply my lip gloss, and fix my boobs.
I am not following just anyone you know...Its the Grimsby High school Choir!
Pat...the Head of the "Old Bats", asks me if I would like an "introduction" I start to ramble off some "best of...and she fires back "I am old...I won't remember" and so I saunter on to the stage?...
oh?...no stage?, just the floor, and the lights?...full pap smear , floresent , notice the hair on my chin lights!
Pat did manage to remember to tell me that she had invited along a man who is a talent scout...she points to him, the one in the bow tie, and the wife with blue eyeshadow! I see them!
Yes...no "F Bombs"...she tells me " two F Bombs" and he'll walk out on me!
FUCKKKKK!!
I start the set out , by asking for water, I am thirsty, I ate 9 Tim Bits on the drive ( one I save for my set)
So I chug a bit of water, tell them I am tired, that I'd been up since noon...and off we go.
I felt so intimidated...I mean there was a sea of Purple and Red Women...I had taken the time to read about them on their Website...http://www.oldbatsinredhats.ca
This was not your ordinary "Seniors" club...these Women had it going on . There was over a 100 of them, in this tiny little community centre, tucked into the Green Belt of small quaint towns,
God I miss Giant Tiger and God Fathers Pizza.
Anyways...these ladies were Delicious, they were so generous and curious, and I can't wait to be FIFTY!.
and the talent scout took my card! Vegas here I come! on a tour Bus with the Red Hat Society!

Bash'd...a gay rap opera

Written and Performed by Chris Craddock and Nathan Cuckow


A Mother’s Reflection

Sometimes, something comes along and you feel this shift. It starts in the moment when you feel the audience collectively, silently, intelligently agreeing to surrender. It starts in the red velvet chair you are seated upon, then it travels up your spine, into your mind, and you feel your body crave to sit up, and listen to every word, and just hang on for the ride!



Well that's what Bash'd felt like for me. I even felt like crying, in parts where I don't think you are suppose to cry. It felt intimate and vulnerable, smart, sexy, edgy, dirty and flat out wonderful!



You may be asking,why? Well, I have a Gay Son. And believe me, this play knows gay! My Son is tall, handsome, smart and witty. He’s full of life, drama and one liners. Full of hanging ons and jumping in. Those shifty eyes. He’s loud and he lurks. He picks and he twirls. He spills, he demands, he laughs, he borrows and he loves being gay!



I really don't have one of those dramatic, fall to your knees coming out stories to tell, even though every dramatic bone in my body wants one.Although, I guess I really should have known all along. But tell me, when did you know your kid was not gay? I guess I just never thought, as he played there with his fruitloops and Barney Rubble in the morning when he was six ...is he Gay? I mean who looks at their children and wonders about their sexual orientation? Eww, who does that? It just didn't happen for me. I thought more about what he would do with his life. I wanted him to play the piano...but he chose game boy instead. I wanted him to be a diver on a swim team. After all, he was a boy that would dive off the deep end at 18 months old and swim on his very own! His metrosexual father taught him that one.



He was a boy that made me a bed on the couch when I would fall into my dark places. He would watch Will and Grace with me and make me a cup of tea. The best tea, honestly! He held the all time record for Long Jump in his school during track and field. The school is closed now. That school where we both shared our childhoods. That school of 145 students. That school where there were only 5 other boys in his class, in his grade, in his community.



My gay son was never bashed, except by me! I cried here too during the play when I thought of how hard it must have been to keep his silence. He knew he had to! I think I was the first to bash him. I called him a faggot one night not long after he came out. I said it with vulgarity and humiliation. I said it with ignorance and homophobia. I said it with fear and anger and intention was to shock. I bashed my own son!! I took it back although I hold on to it to this day.



And so last night, as I watched these men, these Souls, rap their story, a simple story really, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for the part of myself that is blessed by the brilliance of having a gay child, for in that moment when they "Come out", their words being pushed up from the deepest of places, where all our secrets are kept. There is a freedom you feel. For when you are pushed out from behind a place you have only ever known, you are given a new view, and a new life with a whole new perspective.



I am not a flag waving, parade marching, PFLAG member. Trust me, I am much too busy helping my Lesbian daughter put her couch together from IKEA.



Life being gay or being a proud parents of two gay children isn’t easy. If you want to gain so perspective on the gay society, to broaden your mind to a wondrous community, go see Bash'd. You’ll “come out” a better person.