Monday, August 11, 2008

Full Bawdy Blues

Its been a few weeks of this hum drum kinda feeling. It happens when I let the creative part of me sit still.
I am not one to reach out or show you my smile upside down. I keep to myself, and hide away with curtains closed and answering machine msgs. I drink the milk from the carton and feel that ache in the arch of my back from sitting still too long.
My wardrobe turns to yoga pants and hair bands
It's been a tough month for me. I am hibernating, and concentrating and frustrating over the slightest of things.
But, I know for certain , something big is coming. I always seem to take shelter for a while, a shelter where ONLY the ones that I trust so very completely, with my very being, do I let in.
It's the evolution of sorts. It affects all parts of me and shifts begin. Sometimes I move, cities away. Sometimes I move, my body, hard and fast and sometimes, I stand completely still and something outside of myself moves me. A birth, a death, a understanding of why it is I do what I do.
Sometimes it comes easy , like the birth of baby pigs, many things, all at once, all over, slipping by.
Other times, its heavy, and hard, and I bleed with fear, anxiety and outright rage at God.
Tonight as I type this, I feel the presence of my saving grace, and I shall sleep on what will come or what will leave

shelley marshall

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Mother Of The Pride

Well, the Rainbow flag has been tucked away with my skinny summer clothes that I never fit into again this year.
Yup, it's that time of the year when you jump off the "I'll get into that outfit before the end of summer" and you never do.
Oh sure I can fit my ass in them, I just can't do up the fly, or maybe I can get the fly halfway up and the top button , but there is that bit of "Look what you did to my body!" as I point to my children.
Ah yes! The Children!
Sometimes I'll wander the streets and look in the eyes of strangers and say out loud. "I have two gay kids", then I usually say "well I ONLY have two kids, and they are BOTH gay" I think its kinda like having twins! after all during their teen ages they dressed alike. My girl was a "tom boy" That's what we called lesbians back in my day.
My Son? let's just say he let me dress him up as Robin Hood for a grade 8 Halloween Party. (I dressed up as Mary Katherine Gallagher that year)
I never knew my children were gay, but I was suspicious of my daughter. Those tasmanian devil track suits and catching her watching showgirls.
My son?...I really had no idea...I just thought he was an asshole.
Always shrugging his shoulders, never making eye contact, treating me like I was so not cool. I was the coolest Mom EVER!
I would dress up as a clown for his birthday parties. Take him to Harry Potter book Releases at Midnight.
I would make him Pancakes , the letter of his name and pretend I was Flo from Mel's Diner.
This Kid was lucky to have me! and I reminded him of that everyday!
Anyways...I love my kids, I am hopeful and happy and delighted to watch their lives evolve in front of me.
So the next time I tell you I have two Gay kids?...Please don't look at me as if I have a retarded spinabifita baby in a stroller bobbing it's head at you.
I am happy I beared these fruits!